The Fool begins their Journey: An Introduction to Dark Veil Tarot / Part 1

Hi, I'm Ephie, how do you do?

I'm the reader, creator and owner of Dark Veil Tarot.

In these blog posts I will informally discuss my own journey and thoughts surrounding topics such as tarot, life, spirituality and the world in general, I guess.

Today, I'll begin by introducing myself and the Dark Veil Tarot origin story.

As noted in the "about the reader" section of the Dark Veil Tarot website, I had my first foray into tarot at around 7 years old by "7 of swording" a small book about reading tarot cards, that I had been strictly forbidden to read, by my mother.

You see, me reading books I shouldn't have been, wasn't a problem up until that point because... I could barely read at age 7! As a young girl with undiagnosed autism and ADHD in her first years of primary school in the 80's, I found it incredibly difficult to focus on anything. When it came to sitting still at a desk and learning anything at all, it was seemingly impossible for me. I did not learn how to count or read along with my peers. I found it impossible to sit and "work" at my desk like everyone else did and instead I would be annoyingly loud, wriggly and obnoxious for everyone stuck in the room with me. Instead of learning anything, the only way I would sit happily and reasonably quietly at my desk, was to play with my toys, draw, colour in and chat to those around me. My poor and long suffering teacher, Mrs Bird (God rest her soul) lost a very loud and sometimes violent fight (there may have been the occasional projectile chair or flipped desk..), every day, multiple times a day with very angry, tired and frustrated 4-7 year old little audhd girl.

Due to my inability to learn anything, it was thought that I had a cognitive disability, that my IQ was too low grasp the concept of reading or counting, so they brought the assessors in to test me and check my brain, eyes & ears and all the rest of me was working properly. My teachers, parents and even the lunch ladies (shout out Cooky & Jean for some of the best meals of my life!) were horrified and astounded to discover that I was not learning disabled in any way and that my IQ was far above the average for children my age. The diagnosis - I was just lazy and disobedient. That was all. I was nothing more than an absolute horror of a tiny human being because I was apparently more than capable of learning and behaving. My actions were all simply down to choice, I was just bone idle and manipulative, running rings around everyone and being a "little madam". Young girls were not diagnosed with ADHD at that time, even when presenting with the same issues and exact symptoms as hyperactive ADHD boys, which is quite rare in itself for girls to present this way but I have ADHD turned up to 11. During readings with me, you'll probably immediately notice my inability to sit still and my memory recall is shocking. I WILL forget your name, what I was saying and even the simplest of words at times. Don't take any of it personally and don't take me for a fool either. My RAM is broken and memory is almost at capacity, filled with irrelevant shit. That's just the way she goes, ol' lady ADHD, but I'm as sharp as the ace of swords on the inside, sometimes.

So, I'm not sure what it was that attracted me to this little pocket book about reading tarot, but it made me want to be able to read. I didn't even understand what it was about. I'm not sure what was going on there but I started trying to read the tarot book. unsuccessfully. It wasn't until I started smoking full time at age 9 that I properly learned how to read and maffs. Turns out nicotine acts as an ADHD medication in children. For the first time in my life, I could focus. I learned to read, tell the time, write, tie my laces etc. etc. once I was hooked on 10 a day.

So this is where my tarot journey properly begins, I guess. I could read the tarot book now, I still didn't understand it though. My life had already begun too. I needed clothes and shoes that fit me. My parents weren't providing them because charity shops were apparently unaffordable. I was desperate to have school clothes that were comfortable to wear and that weren't far too small (sensory issues due to autism). In order to buy clothes and afford my daily pack of cigarettes, I had to get a job.

So here we are, 9 years old, quickly becoming educated to the level of a 5 year old, smoking a pack of fags a day and working my ass off at shitty jobs for 80p an hour, just to afford some basic life necessities. I'd like to say my parents were doing their best to look after me at the time, but I can't whole heartedly say that's the truth. It was far more important to my mother that I didn't read books on the tarot. It's totally fine that my trousers are flapping around the middle of my shins and my arse crack is hanging out the back of them. As long as I'm safe from learning about tarot cards.

It might sound like I'm being a whiny little bitch with a victim mentality right now, but I'm not. I also don't blame my parents for being poor, or for being shit at parenting, it's not their fault. I wouldn't change my hellishly difficult journey as the tarot's young fool for the world at this point, because every gruelling step of it, made me who I am today. & Who the fuck am I? I hear you ask. I'm nobody special, just another tarot reader...

That'll do for now. Thanks for stopping by!

Effy x